witneyhouston:

me: hi, can i have a large—

starbucks employee: you mean a venti?

me: can we not do this 

"And now we’re supposed to go back to our normal lives. That’s what people do. They have these amazing experiences with another person, and then they just go home and clean the bathroom or whatever."
When It Happens (Susane Colasanti)
cervu:

Tumblr on We Heart It.
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lokiloo:

My Buddhist friend was stopped by a Christian fellowship and asked if she would consider following the word of Jesus Christ. She replied, “No, thanks, but maybe next time around.”

I don’t think they got the joke but I nearly died laughing.

grumpys:

i hate when you’re not in the same mood as your friend like when you want to slay your enemies and feast on their flesh and your friend wants to dance in a field of daisies and sing for the sake of singing like no stop that grab a pitchfork

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"They told me to pour my heart into everything I do. So that’s what I did, I poured and poured and poured. Now they ask me why I’m so empty."
wannajoke:

Party hard
73
"I’m selfish when it comes to you; I’m careless when it comes to me."
william chapman (via williamchapmanwritings)
strangelybeautifulworld:

nympherret:

like how much more obvious does this need to be made for people to get it?

this isnt even an exaggeration 
like at all